my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
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Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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