I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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