i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize