I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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