I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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