Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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