That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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