This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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