I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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