how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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