Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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