So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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