Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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