Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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