He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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