she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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