I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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