wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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