Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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