I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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