I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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