Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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