nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize