Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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