The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
send nudes
from the living room?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize