either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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