I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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