Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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