you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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