you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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