Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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