I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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