I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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