I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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