He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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