it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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