false alarm. still invincible.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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