I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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