alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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