my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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