hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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