this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize