In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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