I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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