How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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