i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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