Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize