I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize