you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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