I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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